Crappy (Cell Phone) Photos of Beautiful Things

Painted Desert.




From the top of one of the vortexes in Sedona, AZ. Apparently when you get to the top of one of these, you're supposed to feel the energy field working upon your body. I definitely did feel a kind of lightheaded euphoria, but I think climbing up a small rock hill at a high altitude in near-freezing temperatures can do that to you.




Grand Canyon.






Kseniya's scarf matched some of the unpetrified vegetation in the Petrified Forest.

Curios near Holbrook, AZ

On Route 180 between Holbrook, AZ and the southern entrance to the Petrified Forest National Park sits a hand-written sandwichboard sign next to a small dirt path. "Curios and Deerborn Museum, 3 miles." [At least I think that's what the museum was called. It was Deersomething.]

About ten slow, bumpy minutes later, at the top of a lightly tree'd hill is an old house, some just-as-old jalopies, a yellow schoolbus, and a few trailers and other buildings made from corrugated aluminum. The owner and his friend drove up to greet us, dressed in overalls and grease. Apparently the road up the hill used to be the entrance to the Petrified Forest until they laid down Route 180, and the house, the owner's grandfather's dwelling until he died in 2000, served as a sort of welcome center and gift shop.

They don't get much business anymore since the road was moved, but there were still plenty of artifacts to look at in the house, which they've preserved as-was since the grandfather's death. Pieces of petrified wood, fossils, animal bones, old photographs, and memorabilia fill the room -- some organized and displayed, some stacked in the corner of the main exhibition space. The rest of the house, which we were free to walk around, is filled with original furniture and carpeting from the 1960s and 70s. It was an incredibly well-preserved time capsule.

We bought a few pieces of petrified wood -- much better than anything we'd seen in the bigger gift and curios shops on the way there, and much, much cheaper -- and admired the quiet and the remoteness before heading back on our way.

Sahara Motel in Benson, AZ (near Tombstone)

This was a really cute and sweet motel. It's run by an older woman who told us that the cheapest place to get a good breakfast nearby would be the country club. Which, surprisingly, was right -- the food at the dining room next to the golf course was better and cheaper than most other places we ate. The room was pretty big and comfortable, there was actually a screen door leading out to a sort-of porch, and our slumber was watched over by these magical creatures.

Trivia Time

Quiz questions from the "I Love Bad Movies" Issue Two release party -- select between the parentheses for the answers. The top five entrants have won a good-bad VHS of my choosing, to be delivered at a point in the future to be determined by fate!

1. What actress has appeared in more ILBM-covered films than any other person, thus stealing the crown to become the Queen of Bad Movies?
A: (Winona Ryder)

2. Name this Hackers nemesis and frequent best-friend-with-bad-hair actor:
FISHER STEVENS
So close: "FISHER SURVEYS" - Joel

3. If you are in a bad movie and you meet a beautiful, quirky, vivacious young woman, she is most likely (dying.)
Full credit also went to "crazy" and "a thief" (for some reason we've been seeing a lot of spunky lady thieves in our recent selections). Partial credit for "a dude," "gay," and "in love with you."

4. In a scene cut from most edited-for-TV versions of Road House, what body part does Patrick Swayze tear out of the lead thug in their climactic battle?
A: (Throat)
Most answered "heart" (a very difficult extraction process!) or "arm" (even more difficult!)

5. What Breakfast Clubber did the Butabi Brothers (A Night at the Roxbury) meet while in a phone booth? A: (Emilio Estevez. "Emilioooooo!")
Most thought it was Judd Nelson, of whom I have a nude painting (sort of).

6. The infamous "Garbage Day" clip is from what horror movie?
A: (Silent Night, Deadly Night 2)
Best wrong answer: Garbage Day 2: The Garbaging - Dan
Most "huh?" answer: Don't Break the Ice - Stuart

7. These two films destroyed careers. Name all persons affected, in whole or in part (partial credit granted):
a. Gigli: Really looking for writer-director Martin Brest, who will probably never make another film. Or Justin Bartha, whose rise was severely hampered. Half-credit for Bennifer.
b. Showgirls: Screenwriter Joe Eszterhas would be the one who suffered the most, and at his own hand. Half-credit for Elizabeth Berkeley (though, did she have much of a career before this?) No credit for Gina Gershon or Kyle MacLachlan, as I'm pretty sure their careers have panned out exactly as they would have without Showgirls.

Bonus Question: How do you think Tommy Wiseau raised $4 million to produce The Room? No wrong answers. My favorite was, "He was a successful real estate broker" (Cristina). Which kind of makes sense; if a housing market is bullish enough, it seems like anyone should be able to make a sale. Espesielly with this beautifurl house which have the room and fill with lahve!

And the winner is... it's a three-way tie! Between Alan G., Dan McCoy, and Elliott Kalan. We had to go to the bonus question for this one, and Elliott has come out on top with "kidnapped and ransomed everyone in the film, then released them when shooting wrapped." This logical answer explains the funding of the film as well as the quality of the acting. It all makes sense now. Congratulations, Elliott! Just break the atom off of your Emmy, and Lady Television will hold your used VHS tape aloft for years to come, gathering dust as your grandchildren's tongues dissolve their Blu-Ray mentaltainment strips.

First Prize: Elliott Kalan - Capricorn One
First Second Prize: Dan McCoy - Red Shoe Diaries 4: Auto Erotica
Second Second Prize: Alan G. - The Inspectors
Third Prize: Kevin Maher - The Taking of Beverly Hills
Prize That's Just as Good as Other Prizes: Cristina Cacioppo - Shag: The Movie

You're all champions. Even Joel, who thinks Elizabeth Dole's career was ruined by Showgirls. Let's see the Freakonomics guys connect those dots.

"I Love Bad Movies" -- Issue Two Release Party!

We're throwing a release party for the second issue of I Love Bad Movies! This one is timed for Valentine's Day with essays on films all about or vaguely related to love and sex. Most of the contributors will be there (writers, artists, and film nerds), and it's open to everyone. So come down, meet some fellow great-bad movie lovers, and get a free copy of the new issue (normally $5)!

Films covered in this issue: No Small Affair, Gigli, Hackers, The Break-Up, Gleaming the Cube, Partners, Bachelor Party, Lifeforce, Don't Tell Her It's Me AKA The Boyfriend School, A Night at the Roxbury, Wicker Park, The Room, Dreamcatcher, Grease 2, Billy Jack, Boxing Helena, Love Story, Autumn in New York, Sweet November, and A Walk to Remember. Also, Tips for a Bad Movie Date, lots of film stills, and "Where Are They Now?" updates.

Prizes! Winners of a short-answer quiz about the movies featured in Issues One and Two will receive VHS tapes (or a DVD dub, if needed) from our Good-Bad pile.

Free snacks, free copy, free fun.

Tuesday, January 19th at 7pm
Sharlene's Bar, 353 Flatbush Ave., Brooklyn
Across the street from the 7th Ave. B/Q, or take the 2/3 to Grand Army Plaza and walk up Flatbush.

It is windy in Brooklyn. Gusts of up to fifty miles an hour. If we were at sea, the current wind speed would be doing this to us:

"Construction/temporary signs and barricades blow over. Damage to circus tents and canopies."

Tombstone, AZ

Good Enough Mine tour.






Doc Holliday.






Elf feet.

Tombstone Historama Posters

Indian Ruins near Mountainair, NM

Quarai. Though it really doesn't look that big from the outside:




Abo.








Gran Quivera.

Alamogordo, NM