Bait and Switch

A realtor sent me an e-mail about a house she just sold in Connecticut, presumably to make me interested in buying an out-of-state retirement castle through her. I replied that I was not interested. She replied in turn, with this:

Amy.K****@***********.c** wrote:
I am a bit confused about this comment? This was the comp on bretton that you asked about when we were at the fern Street house.

I am not interested in buying a house in Connecticut, because I also do not do drugs. As a non-drug-addict, I also like things to be clear and well-understood. Thus:

Amy,

I do not live in Connecticut, nor am I looking to buy a home in Connecticut. If we happened to have been together at a house on Fern Street deep in the heart of CT, I was unconscious or otherwise incapacitated. If I happened to have asked about any more "comps" while in this state, please disregard.

Thank you,
Matt Carman

P.S. I am worried about my inability to remember our trip to Fern Street. Did anything else happen on this outing that I should know about? Please let me know.

Come on. It's not hard. It's really not hard.

This isn't the first problem I've had concerning the National Treasure sequel and spelling/grammar. The critic in Newsday had the asinine balls to misspell Jon Turteltaub's name (I couldn't care less about National Treasure, but come on-- Cool Runnings!), and the dumb luck to have his review read by someone with a sensitivity to misspelled names. After I commented, Newsday disabled feedback on all of its movie reviews for a day and a half. The mistake has yet to be fixed.

Google-paths so far taken by seekers (or at least arrivers-at) of this blog:

"Monkey and the Skunk Syndrome"
"Mathopoly"
"Sexy Receding"
"County Fair Diving Board"
"Rubbing the Penis"

Left hand makes the 'L'

The City of New York is experimenting with a series of directional guides pasted onto the sidewalk at the exits of highly trafficked subway stations. They point in the four major directions (North et al), and also display nearby street names. The guides are meant to help orient people as they transition from the regimented tubes of the subway to the pedestrian free-for-all of the topside. Less confusion, less getting lost? Good idea. Two problems.

1. These are essentially decals stuck onto the sidewalk. People will walk on them. People will graffiti them. People will urinate on them. The compasses will quickly become disgusting to look at or spend time near, and the city will take way too long to replace them when they do. Another sight gone blight.

2. The compasses are located at the tops of the stairs to the subway system, where bottleneck problems already exist as large crowds of traingoers try to merge into the large crowds of sidewalkers. Forcing people to stop and stare at the ground at the top of the stairs will exponentially exacerbate this problem, backing crowds up into the subway stations and further slowing the already trudging process of getting from A to B in New York City.

The third problem is that I like being asked for directions because it lets me show off how smart I am, and I don't like being outsmarted by a sticker.

Apparently people sometimes (or used to?) put fake owls on top of their buildings as kinds of scarecrows to keep pigeons and other unwanted flyables from loitering and toileting on their windows and sidewalks. Like a rooftop scarecrow, except less frightening for neighbors. This poor guy naps on the roof of a building halfway down the block from mine in Brooklyn.

New project to which I regularly contribute: Ugly. All things hideously beautiful, all things hideously hideous, probably nothing related to Hideous Kinky. Read it, Beautiful.

From the Northern Exposure Newsgroup FAQ

Two guys in England built a replica and fling toilets filled with gasoline and small cars and people.

I'd like to know how they fill those toilets with small cars and people. The flinging, I understand. You can fling a toilet when it's filled with anything. I think we've all had a rowdy Sunday afternoon or two and can attest to that. But actually cramming some human beings, plus more than one automobile, all doused in gasoline, into a toilet? It's too bad the English did it, because that's really an "only in America" thing.

Frisky.

I'm all for protecting our performers from crazed fans, but I'm pretty sure Radio City Music Hall has gone too far with its proposed security procedures for the upcoming Celtic Woman show.

ARRIVE EARLY: Please arrive one-hour prior to showtime. All guests and their belongings may be subject to search, which includes metal-detecting hand wands up entry.

The same policy goes for the moe. show, but something tells me moe. fans might not mind so much.